I miss Hakim.

I've been thinking of posting that for 8 months mow, but I never use this thing. It doesn't matter. It doesn't change anything.

I owed you far more than I ever gave, and wish I had given it to you before. And not a moment has gone by I haven't thought that.

And only coming back to livejournal after ages makes me think to write about again. But I've never forgotten.

I miss you.

It's fucking appropriate that in a drunken stupor I type into google alcoholic and come up with a Japanese import site.

http://www.alco-holic.com/

Also, I need to get my shit together.

And if you want to read my new blog: http://japanisanisland.wordpress.com/

Let's hope my next 8 weeks work out better than the last 8 did.

I had a dream Saturday night that still haunts me. I was at my ten year high school reunion, held in what was supposed to be a small convention room at a hotel or something. Everyone was there, the same but dressed a little more nicely. The jocks were still jocks, full of themselves and self-entitled being old money. The prissy girls were still prissy girls, drama geeks still theatrical, and computer crew was still in the technological mindset. Everyone mingled, but mostly within their own crowd, and I kind of just wandered through. I would stop and say a quick word to someone, not really interested. Except for two people.

I came across my old friends Hakim and Greg, separately. I was happy to see Greg and we chatted for a bit, but then he had to attend to something and that was the last I saw of him. Shortly after I bumped into Hakim, and I was very excited to see him. We chatted and caught up but I was quickly torn away by something, and someone began giving a speech at the podium. Next thing I knew it was the end of the evening. The lights were bright and most of the people had cleared out. I stopped one old my old acquaintances, a blond girl named Sarah Wylie, and said “This is so wonderful but strange. I ran into Hakim and Greg. Did you see them? I thought they were gone forever.” And she replied to me “They are. They only came back for today.” That is the truth.

Hakim and Greg both died this past year.

Current Location: Work
Current Mood: quixotic
Current Music: Hum of the servers

After coming home yesterday, I decided before messing around with the DVD burner I would rip a few more DVDs to the hard drive. Well, now the drive doesn't work at all. It recognizes DVDs and CDs, tries to play them, and then freezes. Games running off a CD? Freezes. I'm going to try messing with the IDE settings but I doubt it will fix it. Saturday is my day to mess around with this stuff, but I'm pretty convinced that trying to focus the layer for the second layer broke the lens. It's lucky i have two back up internal DVD-ROM drives laying around.

Fuck you I/O Magic. I'm pretty certain you sold me a defective product. I either want a new, free replacement drive from you or I'm buying one from a different company. Dual layer DVD burners from Sony are on sale for $25.

Current Mood: disappointed
Current Music: Rebel FM Episode 1

My entire evening last night was ruined. Wasted. All because of one issue I couldn't solve or let go. And like so many things in our modern life, it had to do with my computer.

I received a dual layer DVD burner for Christmas so I could back up my DVD collection. Yesterday I received the spindle of 50 dual layer discs I ordered online. I had to order them online, because you can't find them in almost any store anymore. I know because I looked everywhere. So I started backing up my DVDs, or at least trying to. Every time I tried to back one up there would be a write error, and the drive would freeze. I could close the writing software by terminating the process, but the drive would be in a continual lock trying to write something. The only way to stop it is to power down the machine.

I tried everything I could think of. I updated the firm ware for the drive. Tried a different burning software. rebooted, ran disk cleaner, turned off all other programs, bitmapped the disc. Nothing. It reads DVDs fine, and burns CDs and single layer DVDs with no problem. What good is a dual layer DVD burner that doesn't burn dual layer DVDs? Oh, and tech support is only open from 8am to 5pm Monday through Friday.

So I talked to tech support this morning. Suggestions are to change the jumper setting, dedicate the IDE cable to the drive, or try one of the reccomended brands of dual layer DVDRs. I ordered a new set that should be here Monday.

Grah.

Current Mood: angry

I feel kind of melancholy today. I'm not sure if melancholy is the right word. I feel as if something is missing.

From time to time I get these flashes -mental images of a place in my minds eye. Usually about Japan. I can see it so clearly today. Yamagata station. The stone tiles leading down the wide hall to the turnstiles. The station agents standing attentively at the side. In my mind I feel almost like I'm there again.

Something is tugging at my heart through my spine. I feel like I left something behind in Japan. Even if I returned I doubt I could get it back.

Is that strange?

Current Location: Work
Current Music: Immi - Crushing

This is my blog.
Sometimes I write things in it.
But I have not lately. I should do that more.

These are words.
They represent objects or actions, that when combined form ideas.
These ideas are generally inane.
As they are my ideas.

Hello Blog.

I've been using Facebook lately to catch up with old friends, classmates, and keep up with people in general (I know, I'm behind the times.) There are a lot of people from my high school I spent time with at the tail end of my college career but lost touch with when I traded coasts. Realistically, I was allowing myself to lose contact with them because I needed to sort some things out for myself.

I went to contact one of these people, my friend Hakim, and found a lot of ominous goodbye messages on his wall. Turns out he passed away.

This is the second friend from high school I've had pass away this year. The second one I lost contact with and meant to catch up with. I'm at a loss for words. I don't know what to say or do.

And I'm left with an unanswerable why.

Current Mood: shock

Those of you from my NU days will understand this better than anyone else.

I feel like I'm not ever really satisfied where I am, and I'm not sure why. Maybe I'm just in a rambling state and not ready to settle down. I'm not sure that's it either. Job wise I'm really happy where I am (sadly it's a temp job and probably won't turn permanent.) When I was in Japan though I found myself longing for San Francisco. Now that I'm back I find myself longing for Japan and Boston. It's sort of like with NU. When you're in classes you want to be in Co-Op, when you're on Co-Op you'd rather have classes. I'm not unhappy here by any means. I just feel... unfulfilled.

I wonder what it is I'm missing.

Current Mood: quixotic

After two years I finally watched Linda Linda Linda! I expected it to have more energy to it, like Swing Kids. Much more minimalist, like many of the better Japanese dramas are. They tend to go on either end of the spectrum: very minimalist or wacky overactive. It was a good film, and something I think I'll enjoy more on a second viewing.

There was a scene towards the end of the film where the girls are walking home either late evening or early evening. The sky and the trees and the quiet... it was just... I forgot how absolutely gorgeous Japan is. Even this beautiful film scene doesn't do it justice. The sun seems so much brighter and younger. Everything seems more vibrant, alive and fresh. Saturated with genki. It's something I really miss about Japan. Especially with the gray overcast days we've had in San Francisco lately.

Current Mood: Longing for the bluer skies
Current Music: Linda Linda by The Blue Hearts (as covered by Paranaum)